Hope for the Holidays
By Kadie Tannehill
While the holidays may be a time full of so much busyness and uncertainty in your grief journey, remember that it is a time to reflect on all that you’ve been through during the year.
As a loss mom myself, I know the holidays can be a seemingly lonely time, but I encourage you to find what I like to call “glimmers”. What I call these little glimmers are things that bring simple joys to my day and help me feel close to my son, Jonah. Sometimes, it’s a song that reminds me of him; or maybe a dish that my grandma used to make me that brings a warmth and comfort to my heart, and fills my kitchen with the smell of SO much baked cheese and carbs. Sometimes, it’s smelling Christmas candles, or watching movies that I loved to watch with my mom as a kid—White Christmas is our favorite; hanging his stocking with his name next to all his siblings’ stockings, or catching the sun just right through his sun-catcher. All of these things help me feel closer to my child that isn’t present with our family during our holiday season. But, all of these things also help me to have hope. They are things in my life that help carry me through, to help me remember him and the love I carry for him, and to remind me that I will get through this season of grief with love and remembrance. Having hope for me is a Christmas song on the radio, its fuzzy socks and choosing to stay in if I want to, it’s someone asking if they can pray for me even if I don’t go to church myself, it’s a knowing smile to me from someone who gets it, a girls day with my sister who just lets me be. It’s a warm hug, it’s sitting in thought; it’s hearing your baby’s name read aloud, at a candlelight ceremony with bells. Hope, for me, is knowing that sadness is moved through, not lived in. It’s knowing that grief moves in waves. But please know, that to have both sadness and joy during this season of gathering is both normal and welcomed, because at the center of both of those feelings, is love. Love for your child and the love that you must learn to give yourself. Give yourself the space to feel it. Use the holidays as a time to share your baby and their life with those who feel safest to you, and those who you find comfort in.
My son, Jonah would be almost 11, and my love for him has never left—if anything it has multiplied over the years without him. His spirit has never left me; but the pain that I felt, did lessen, it does get smaller. You will find joy in the holidays with your baby again. I want all of you to try looking ahead to the new year and the new beginnings to come. Stay hopeful and joyful in the new experiences and lessons that your baby may bring to you in this life; it can still be really beautiful. And always remember—they are still with you if you stop to look for the little glimmers.
About Kadie Tannehill
Kadie Tannehill is a wife and mother to five children based in Missouri. When she isn’t busy with their very active home life, she enjoys a love of sourdough baking, attending her children’s sporting events, and traveling when she can. Kadie is a proud TFMR loss-mother and advocate of Jonah since 2015.