A Warrior of Hope

By: Amy Lied

We all see the pregnancy test commercials.  The ones where the couple is sitting there together anxiously waiting for the test to be positive.  After a few uneasy moments, they look at the test and, of course, it’s positive!

I know some companies have gotten better at showing the other side of the test, the negative side.  But still, the vast majority of the commercials show the positive with a happy couple who wanted that positive result.

Those who have experienced infertility are much more familiar with the negative result. 

The experience likely goes something similar to this:

•  anxiously waiting for the test result, while telling yourself it’s going to be negative so that you won’t be utterly devastated when it is… but still secretly hoping it’s positive
•  looking at the test
•  seeing a negative
•  being utterly devastated. despite your mental conversation that you wouldn’t be
• bursting into tears
• Repeat the following month

April 18-24 is National Infertility Awareness Week, a week set aside to bring awareness to the 1 in 8 couples who are more familiar with the negative result than the positive one.

 I am the 1 in 8.

My husband and I struggled with unexplained infertility. 

Half the time I refused to take a pregnancy test because I did not want to see a negative glaring back at me, but the other half of the time when I did take one, that is what I saw.

Each time it was devastating.

Each time it broke me just a little bit more. 

Each time it piled more resentment onto the mound I had already accumulated.

Each time I still had hope for the outcome to be different the next month.

That’s the thing about struggling with infertility, hope is what keeps you going.

You continue to put yourself through the emotional roller coaster ride each month because the hope for a positive, for a baby, is always there. 

You continue to put your body through invasive ultrasounds, tests, exams, blood work, injections, medications, suppositories, etc. all because of hope. 

There is a reason that people use the phrase “infertility warrior” to describe those who have dealt with it.

Infertility changes you. 

It makes you face your fears.

It leaves scars on your heart.

It can break you down to your lowest point.

It is hard and it absolutely sucks. 

It takes a warrior, who has hope, in order to continue to engage in fighting for that positive, for that baby.

It takes hope.

Hope that someday you will be that person in the commercial who finally sees that positive and cries happy tears, instead of sad ones.

That was my hope for myself and it is now my hope for all those who are struggling to conceive. 

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About Amy Lied
Amy Lied is a wife and a mother. Her son, Asher, was inexplicably born still on February 19th, 2017. Before losing Asher, she suffered a miscarriage and struggled with unexplained infertility. After losing Asher and struggling to conceive again, she went back to treatment where she became pregnant with her twin daughters; Harper and Scarlett. She has documented her journey from the beginning of her infertility struggles on her blog, Doggie Bags Not Diaper Bags. She is also a co-founder of The Lucky Anchor Project, an online resource for loss families that houses an Etsy store whose profits are donated to loss family non-profit organizations. Sharing her journey has helped her cope and she hopes it also helps others who are walking on this road of life after loss.