The Christopher Tree
By Cathi Lammert, Share’s Former Executive Director 1992-2013
On the first anniversary of our son Christopher’s death, December 4, we gathered with loving members of both sides of our families at our church for a Mass in honor of Christopher. After church, we adjourned to our home for a delicious brunch that everyone helped to prepare. It was very comforting to be with our family on this day as we remembered our precious son.
To our surprise, we were given a very special gift of a small blue spruce tree by my family. We were so touched by this endearing gift; it was a gift that would allow us to continually commemorate our son. It was a remembrance of him that we could see every day. Immediately, we had to find just the right spot for our tree, so we walked around the yard and decided that it would look best in the corner of our front yard. Later that cold winter day, and with a great deal of tenderness, we planted our little spruce. After the blue spruce was in its chosen place, it seemed that something was missing. After all, this was the beginning of the Christmas season. So, we decided to decorate the Christopher Tree with brightly shining white lights that would symbolize his purity and his presence.
Somehow, this little blue spruce brought us peace. It acknowledged our love for Christopher as we began the Christmas season. It became a tradition we looked forward to each year during our anniversary time. Each year our family would adorn the tree with the simple white lights and remember our son and brother. As the years passed, many people referred to the little blue spruce as the Christopher Tree.
In the summer of 1987, we built a new home and moved a few miles away. In our closing contract with the new owners of our former home, we stated that the blue spruce in the front yard would be transplanted to the Lammert’s new residence in the fall. Although someone buying a home may balk at such a request, there was no protest from the buyers of our home.
In the early fall, I contacted a landscaping company and requested that the blue spruce be transplanted. I did not explain the significance of the tree and the man to whom I spoke asked no questions. He agreed to move the tree sometime in the near future. When I turned the page of the calendar to the month of November, I thought surely the blue spruce would be moved soon. I could not imagine a holiday season without it.
I should not have been surprised that on November 30, the anniversary of Christopher’s fifth birthday, I received a phone call from the gentleman from the landscaping company saying, “I will be transplanting the blue spruce sometime this week.” His timing was incredible! I was really excited because I knew that the Christopher Tree was finally coming home. Within that week, on December 4, the fifth anniversary of Christopher’s death, there was an unexpected, strong knock at our front door. It was the gentleman from the landscaping company. I couldn’t believe he was at our new home on this special day. Together, we picked just the right spot for the blue spruce.
When he finished transplanting the tree, I invited him to come into the house. I shared with him the significance of the week and his timing, explained how much the blue spruce meant to us and described our tradition of decorating the tree in memory of Christopher. He was so very touched by our story. When I asked him how much I owed him, he said, “I can’t charge you a cent; it has been a gift to hear your story. I’m glad that I could do this for you.”
That evening, Shaun, Heather, Megan, Shannon, Chuck and I were elated. We decorated our little blue spruce, our Christopher Tree, and remembered. The tree standing alone in our non-landscaped yard symbolized Christopher’s role in our family, apart yet together. It glowed as Christopher himself seemed to welcome our friends and family into our home for that Christmas season, as well as everyone since. Once again, he guided us home and gave us a focus for our family. That very first year in our new home, we knew Christopher was still very much a part of our lives, and we felt his presence in a very endearing and special way.
This original story, The Christopher Tree, was written in 1994, and I decided to write a short update to share how the story continued.
For the next 29 years my husband, Chuck, lovingly decorated the Christopher Tree in early December, and it was a full day process. The last time he decorated the tree, it held over 4,000 lights and was 30 feet tall. Our neighbors loved watching him as he adorned the tree. Our adult children always got excited as they returned home for the holidays, eager to turn the corner to see their brother’s tree lit up. People would come from afar to see it. One night after a Christmas concert, we took a picture of the tree and a bright light from the sky was shining down on it. This tree brought our family tremendous comfort as we remembered our son, brother, uncle and grandson.
In the spring of 2016, the Christopher Tree had to be taken down due to an overshadowing tree preventing it from getting enough sunlight. It was very difficult for our family, as this had been our way of memorializing Christopher. In the process of choosing a company to remove the tree, I found a person who uses raw wood to make mementos. This gentleman, Sam, arrived the day we took down the Christopher Tree. It was raining as our hearts were crying. Sam cut the first slice of the tree and found in the circumference were rays of sunshine. He said he had never seen these markings before in a blue spruce tree. We kept that first slice of wood, and it is a treasure to us. He then took several pieces of wood to create mementos for each of us. He created beautiful ornaments and other small items. Sam was so touched by our story of The Christopher Tree; he would not allow us to pay him for his craftmanship.
It was difficult to turn the corner to our house and not see the Christopher Tree, and there was an unspoken void in our lives. Yet when our son Shaun and his wife Erin moved into their new home the following year, they felt compelled to honor Christopher with another chapter and carry on the story of The Christopher Tree. As part of their family’s landscaping, a little blue spruce was planted as lovingly as the first Christopher Tree. And Shaun, just like his dad, makes sure his brother’s tree is lit to welcome the Christmas season and remember his little brother. The tradition continues and will make our family and friends feel a warm connection to Christopher for many years to come.
Holiday Blessings,
Cathi Lammert
2025
About Cathi Lammert
For nearly four decades Cathi has been involved in the perinatal bereavement field. She has combined her experience as a bereaved parent since the death of her son Christopher at 4 days old with her professional obstetrics nursing career in her work. She served as National Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support’s Executive Director (1992-2013) and Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Alliance (PLIDA) Founding Co-President, then another term as president and additional terms as a board member. She has been involved internationally in the perinatal bereavement field as an author, conference planner, consultant, contributor to position statements and articles, educator, not for profit management, support group management and most of all as a parent advocate. She believes the cornerstone of her commitment to this especially important work is time she has been privileged to spend with those who lives are touched by the death of a precious baby. They have been her best teachers.