Dear Fertile Friend,

By: Kim Dames

I know you had no issues getting pregnant. You decided one month it was time to start a family and the next month you received the positive pregnancy test. You had a normal and easy pregnancy. Delivery was even better. You bounced back easily and fit back into your clothes effortlessly. You talk about how wonderful motherhood is and you couldn’t be happier.

I congratulated you and was excited when you announced your pregnancy. I attended your baby shower and even helped plan it. I bought personalized baby presents. Checked on you and commented on how cute your baby bump was. I visited you and your newborn in the hospital and brought balloons and a stuffed animal. I offered to help babysit and liked the multiple daily baby photos on Facebook.

I am happy for you my fertile friend I truly am. Even if it hurts.

Even if I’m jealous or sad that it’s not me. Even if I’m frustrated with my own infertility struggles. Because you are my friend, I will put my feelings aside and be by your side. 

I love and support you my fertile friend and all I ask is the same for your infertile friend.

As a friend who has infertility issues, I need your support. Ask me what I need from you as a friend. Offer to go to my appointments or take up exercising with me if that’s what I need. Tell me you’re sorry and ask what you can do to help me through this. Do your own research and learn about my infertility and procedures I’m doing.

Be a shoulder I can cry on and listen to me vent. 

The infertility journey is an emotional roller coaster. Full of emotions, frustration, and heartache. It can be a long costly process. One I never expected to have to be on. Now is the time I need support from my friends.  

Don’t tell me to relax and to not think about it and it will happen. Don’t tell me your friends success stories or minimize my pain. Please don’t tell me that I’m lucky because I have freedom and get to sleep through the night.

As an infertile friend, I want and need the support of my fertile friend.

Even though our circumstances could push our friendship apart. My pride and jealousy could cause me to cut you out. Or my infertility could make you uncomfortable and put distance between us. Instead, I chose to be open about my circumstances and you chose to be honest with me and comforting to me during your pregnancy.

Our friendship will grow even as our journeys to motherhood are from different paths.

We will learn from one another and lean on each other when the stress of motherhood or the stress of infertility feels as if they will break us. We will congratulate each other during happy times and lift one another up in difficult times. And when I get the exciting news, I’m pregnant you will be the first one I tell. Thanks for being my support during my infertility journey my fertile friend.

About Kim Dames
Kim is a wife to a supportive and patient husband, and a mom to a 25-weeker surviving twin and two angels. Through her blog, Kim shares her journey through motherhood, miscarriage, the NICU, loss, and adapting to life with a preemie. Find her on Instagram and Facebook.

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