How to Help your Grieving Child
By: Rose Carlson
Children are often called the forgotten grievers, yet they often feel deep sadness and fear when their baby sibling dies. Depending on their age, they have limited understanding of death and what it means, but they can be quite intuitive and at the very least, they are aware that something is different and out of sorts within their family. You may struggle to take care of your child’s needs while you are deeply grieving, but the death of a sibling can have a profound impact on children. The following are some ways you can help your child who is grieving:
*Allow them to talk about their feelings. Their questions can be difficult, especially when they seem to come out of nowhere, but be open and honest with them, based on their age.
*Avoid cliches, such as “the baby is sleeping” as children are often literal thinkers and may then be afraid to go to sleep themselves.
*Allow them to be a part of goodbye rituals if it is appropriate for their age.
*Find a way for your child to have his or her own mementos, perhaps even their memory box. Beaded name bracelets, photos, copies of the baby’s hand, and footprints are tangible items that can help your child process their grief and establish a lasting connection with his or her sibling.
*Keep their normal routine as much as possible. It’s okay to reach out to loved ones for help in getting them to sports practices or school if you are struggling to do it all.
*Let your child’s teachers know about your loss so they are aware if there are any behavior changes.
*A child or family therapist can be helpful if your child is having trouble processing everything.
Share has a brochure, booklets, memory, and activity books, peer companions, and other resources that can assist you if you need more information on helping your grieving child. You are not alone, and we are here to help you and your family through this time.
About Rose Carlson
Rose is the Program Director at Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support. She came to Share in 2002 as a volunteer and eventually joined the staff in 2004. She has a BS in Psychology with a minor in Sociology. Her personal experience as a bereaved parent brings an invaluable perspective to her work. Rose manages the Share Memorial events, serves as an educator and is the Share Chapter coordinator.