Finding Beauty in Grief

By: Robyn Busekrus

The season of Fall has quickly transformed the trees.  The hues of red, orange and yellow are bountiful in color.  Seasons of change are difficult for those of us who have experienced pregnancy loss.  There is beauty in the seasons changing, yet an ache as we wish our children were here.

This October marks three years since we lost our son.  Fall used to be my favorite season.  I still find beauty in leaves changing colors and the cooler nights.  However, it is bittersweet as I long for our son to be here. As the holidays start to approach, this season becomes more difficult.

Awareness is important so that others know they are not alone in this journey.  Experiencing a loss of a child is something that is heartbreaking.  As we pick up the pieces of our grief, having others sit with us in our pain and to encourage us in this new season is needed in our healing.
“It’s not fair.”
“I have had a similar experience.”
“I don’t know what it feels like and I am sorry.”
Phrases like these are sentiments that won’t bring peace, but will bring empathy that is much needed.

There are times in our lives when things can’t be fixed.  It’s knowing that even though others can’t take our pain and sadness away, their presence can be felt with care when given out of empathy. 

I think back to that first month of grief, when I couldn’t function.  Friends that sat with me when words could not be spoken.  Friends who knew by just reading my emotions that care was needed.  

I have also experienced words that I perceived as hurtful.  Words like, “There was a plan in why you lost him.”
“At least you have your other two sons.”
“I thought you would be over your grief by now.”
Whether the tone or intent came across as not empathetic, certain words hurt.  Until you have experienced the loss of a child, it’s a pain that is deep and can be felt by others who also have experienced loss.

The rainbow of leaves reminds me of the brightness of colors.  For some of us, we have rainbow babies after loss that bring joy. 

For myself, a rainbow baby will not happen.  It took a long amount of time for me to accept that I will not have the opportunity to feel that joy.  Through writing and bringing words of empathy and encouragement, I hope that a rainbow of care will shine through to others.