Blown Glass

My journey began as sand. 
Small grains that made up the very essence of my being.  
Slowly and carefully the Artist worked, added, and toiled to create His work of art. 
Overtime I became molten glass, untouchable…A force to be reckoned with. 
A free spirit even the darkest of nights lusted to tame. 
The sands of time were worked into an ever evolving bright clear luster. 
The tiniest heartbeat began to blow air into this molten glass of me and I began to transform. 
I grew, I changed. 
Buffed out were the small pieces of life that would disrupt progress and I evolved. 
The casting of glass to create the layers of my life were slowly worked, blown, changed. 
I grew, I changed. 
Pieces became narrow as my molten glass was drawn.
Flames were used to cut me just right into the perfect shape and into the kiln I continued to go. 
I came out a Mama. 
Blown just right, fragile, but strong. 
Heartbeat. Gone. 
No. More. Baby. 
I. Shattered. 
Shards of glass entered the atmosphere as I processed. 
No longer sand. 
No longer untouchable. 
Still a Mama. 
I am blown glass.

About Tiffany Benjamin

I have always wanted to be a mama since I knew what a mama was. Whenever people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say “a mama.” My dream finally came to life July 2017 when I got my blood test results back and my HCG levels indicated a positive pregnancy test!! My husband and I were elated! Being away from our families because both of us were serving in the Air Force wasn’t my plan for being a parent, but all the same we were happy! Quickly after, I was diagnosed with a 10 cm dermoid cyst and after a week of my ovarian torsion and my tube becoming necrotic I was rushed to surgery 11 weeks pregnant with my son. Seven weeks after my surgery (18wks pregnant) to remove one of my ovaries and tubes I was informed I had severe IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction). At 26 weeks, I was told my son no longer had a heart beat and I delivered a beautifully silent 8oz 9in baby boy, Anthony-Judah (AJ) Sahr Benjamin, on 1/3/18 at 13:18. Trying to describe the whirlwind that was my life in 2017/2018 is impossible. My prayer is to relate and encourage other mamas going through the most unimaginable pain possible. Your heart leaving from the inside…but still leaving you alive. 

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