Speaking About Our Children

By: Codi N.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day but unless you are a part of this community you may never know this day exists; I know I didn’t before I lost my son last year.

We live in a world where pregnancy and infants are idolized but once the unthinkable happens it seems that it’s a taboo subject and needs to be pushed under the rug. All too often I come across people who ask me if I have children. When I say I had a stillborn son and miscarriage the subject gets dropped, and they become uncomfortable.

I’m sorry speaking of my children makes you feel that way but I will never not claim them.

They changed my life from the moment the pregnancy test turned positive. I am their mother and I will make sure they are not forgotten. That is our job as bereaved parent, to make sure our children’s memory lives on.

For someone that has never lost a child, you have been truly blessed. If you come across a bereaved parent or family member the one thing you can do to make them smile is to say their angel baby’s name.

Yes, they might cry. But remember they are not crying because you made them remember their child; they are crying because you cared enough to remember their child lived.

You are communicating that their child, no matter how brief their time on Earth, mattered. This is one of the greatest gifts I have been given since going through my losses. If this happens to be your first year feeling the grief of this day, I am very sorry. But please know you are not alone in this new normal.

Some days are going to be better than others, but remember that is okay. You cannot have darkness without the light. Take those good days and hold them close, because sometimes the bad day turns into a couple of bad days.

When you are ready to speak about your loss, speak it loud.

You might come across people in your life that also experienced losing a baby. I know from personal experience, I have become friends with other angel moms after speaking about my loss in different support groups.

Know whatever you are feeling during this day, or any day for that matter, your feelings are valid. You have the right to grieve. Since everyone grieves differently it could be hard for some to understand how you are coping with things. This is true for all the men that have experienced loss. We see you and we know you are going through pain as well.

If only there were magical words to take away the pain; they would have been spoken over a million times.

Even though October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day please speak about your child or children year round. You deserve that as much as any parent.

About Codi

Codi is a nurse that lives in St. Louis, Missouri with her husband Cory. She is the mother to two angel babies, Immanuel who passed in 2018 at 18 weeks and Baby N who passed away at 6 weeks.

Read more from Codi’s blog: https://withtheraincomesarainbow.wordpress.com/

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