Work In Process: Healing After the Loss of My Baby

By: Robyn Busekrus

The phrase, “Work in Progress,” has been one that I have heard frequently quoted.  Work in process I like better, since healing is a process that progresses. 

When I think of where I am today, I am a healing work in process.  I don’t think I will be whole again. 

However, I can work on those broken parts of grief.  A visual comes to mind of a vase that is broken. We may try to put the pieces back together, but the water will seep through the cracks, even though it’s been repaired.  As we heal, we will have cracks that emotions will continue to flow through.  The vase might seem whole again, but there are visible signs it’s been broken.  For myself, crying and circles under my eyes are some of the visible signs of my cracked vessel.  The hidden signs of brokenness are self-imposed guilt, anger, sadness. 

Reading books that offer encouragement or podcasts that share uplifting stories have been helpful in my healing process. One day while I was at the park walking, I looked in the Little Free Library book box.   As I was looking for a new book to read, there was one entitled Beautiful Hope.  I felt it was a sign to read since our son’s name is Hope.  In the book, there were stories of hope from a variety of people who shared their life experiences.  It was a short book that I read over the weekend that brought comfort.

We named our son Hope because in our moment of brokenness, we needed hope.  

In my home, I have a space where I write and create. There is a sign on my wall my friend, Gale, lettered.  Gale is a talented lettering artist, and I have always admired her quotes on her maps.  The one on my wall says, “You Don’t Have to Have it Figure Out to Move Forward.”  It has been little steps moment by moment, minute by minute and day by day on my journey. 

As grieving parents, we don’t have to have it figured out to start the healing process.  We take little steps on this healing process.

I realized I don’t have to figure it out, I don’t have to blame myself and I can lean into the memories of Hope and look for hope in tomorrow.  May we strive to see the glimmer of hope through the sunshine, the kindness of others and through taking a step one at a time.

Robyn Busekrus

About Robyn Busekrus

Robyn Busekrus is a mom, wife, educator, and writer who makes her home in Washington, MO.  Losing her third son Hope in the second trimester of pregnancy, was an unexpected part of her life’s journey.
Robyn’s blog chronicles the journey of loss and hope.  Appreciating the little things in life, while holding onto faith each day is the message she wants to share with others.  Her interests include reading, home decorating, vintage markets, and community service.

1 Comment

  1. Lillian Eshelman on February 28, 2020 at 3:32 am

    Thank you! Mine was named Annabelle Joy, third child. I was learning about Joy that year, and I’m still learning. But this year my focus is to find hope again. So I thought your blog timely and appropriate.

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