By: Robyn Busekrus
As the Fall season approaches, it is bittersweet. Fall has been my favorite season, but this year it has a somber feeling. This time last year, was such a time of joy as we were anticipating our son. The cool weather, the breezes, pumpkins and leaves falling are some aspects of fall I love.
Last summer, I recall the excitement of being mom. Seeing our son on the ultrasound and growing each week was exciting. When October came, everything changed. The routine doctor appointment turned into a painful moment in time when the doctor said there was no heartbeat.
The season that I always loved, now has sadness.
The past year, we have been trying to find ways to honor our son, Hope. Some ways we have shown honor is by talking about him with our two sons and remembering the joy we had for a short time. Helping others by serving has been one way I have tried to remember Hope. This week, a group that I follow on-line called Radiant Hope was asking individuals to volunteer to paint signs for patients who are ill. The signs are bright yellow and will say hope.
(Picture taken from https://www.facebook.com/hisradianthope/)
As I saw the link, I knew it would be a way to help others and to honor Hope by bringing hope to others through a simple sign. It doesn’t mean it is easy to serve or try to see the good. I have days where the grief is so overwhelming and the tears flow. At times, I wonder, “How many more tears do I have?” Honoring is to show reverence and importance. Through serving and remembering, our family will continue to celebrate Hope and the joy he brought.
Our youngest son Luke, honors Hope when we are doing something as a family. He will say, “We have to remember Hope.” At times, I well up with tears, when I listen to him share his feelings. The other night he looked up into the sky and was quiet.
He said, “Mom, I looked up there and told Hope I hope he has having a good time there.” Luke always blows a kiss to the sky.
This weekend, I was outside cleaning. As I turned around, there was a butterfly crawling on the ground. Butterflies have always been one of my favorite creatures and mean more so now. They symbolize a renewal or transformation. Transformation is a process and healing is a process. As the butterfly was walking around, I put my hands on the ground. It would crawl towards me and then would move back. The little creature did the same action for a few minutes. I paralleled it to how I feel about remembering Hope. To recognize the joy he brought to our life for a short time, is irreplaceable. At times, he feels close to me and other times he seems far away.
This weekend, I read at storytime at our local bookstore. It brings much joy to serve our community. Last year, when I read for storytime I was expecting. As I was preparing to read this weekend, I thought “Hope should be here for the story today.” The sweet little group of kids were on the little butterfly blankets and it brought joy to be with little ones.
Honoring our children can be simple.
Speaking their names, holding onto the joy they brought and celebrating them by just remembering their presence is honoring. May we all find ways to honor our children and through honoring them may it bring comfort and peace.
Robyn Busekrus is a mom, wife, educator, and writer who makes her home in Washington, MO. Losing her third son Hope in the second trimester of pregnancy, was an unexpected part of her life’s journey.
Robyn’s blog www.robynsnestofhope.com chronicles the journey of loss and hope. Appreciating the little things in life, while holding onto faith each day is the message she wants to share with others. Her interests include reading, home decorating, vintage markets, and community service.