By: Marie Kriedman
My miscarriage made me doubt that grief is survivable. Rationally, I knew I would survive, but emotionally, my pain was so raw that I couldn’t breathe.
A friend told me that grief is like an ocean tide. The concept really resonated with me. Grief is strong, powerful, and crushing when it first occurs, and the tide comes in. It is overwhelming and terrifying. And then the waters recede, and the tide comes back, a bit more gently the next time. The current remains strong, but you are wiser and stronger and better prepared for how the waves affect you. The rawness fades over the years, and the grief transitions into something that comes and goes.
After our loss, my husband and I struggled with the initial wave of anguish. We fumbled our way. A lot. I found a focus and purpose in writing, and he is my biggest advocate.
I published my first book to honor our daughter, Saying Goodbye to Olivia. The book focuses on young children and the illustrator encouraged us to incorporate a symbol for reader continuity. We chose a white dove. That simple decision helped us to find our way and spurred us along our path of grief to a path of healing and honoring.
My miscarriage was due to a chromosome disorder, Trisomy 18. It brought my husband and I a lot of solace to know our daughter wasn’t suffering. She was at peace. The white dove is a symbol of peace. Her name, Olivia, is a derivative of Olive and the olive branch of peace. In a way, selecting a white dove was our decision to choose peace.
Life will never be the same. There is a hole and a missing person in our family, but we have found our way to an unsettled acceptance. Most importantly, our baby is at peace. I think we all could use a little more of that in our lives. I hope you find some of yours today.
About Marie Kriedman
Marie started her journalism career as a copy editor and paginator for a newspaper. She eventually left the newspaper business and has continued as a freelance writer for more than 20 years. She founded Write Away K and is a children’s book author. She published two books to honor her daughter, Saying Goodbye to Olivia and Olivia Had Trisomy 18. Marie and her husband are graciously permitted to live in a house with their cats. They are also parents to two children and one angel baby. Please visit BooksbyMarie.com to learn more.