Dear Bereaved Parent:

By: Robyn Busekrus

I wish this weren’t your reality. Losing a child is something we should not have to experience. If I had a magic wand, I would wish for a different reality for myself and for you. Something unexpected happened and it is trying. Acceptance is understanding that what we have experienced is not okay and yet is our reality. I always looked for a reason to make sense of my loss. It took much time and then I realized any reason would not make our loss okay. Holidays and milestones look different, and plans changed.

Moving forward, look for your tribe. The people who know what to say at the best time. The people who don’t know what to say, but their quietness makes you realize they care. Look for the sunshine moments: flowers blooming, a cool breeze, butterflies fluttering around.

Sometimes a tribe may include books, podcasts, songs, or support groups that work together to be a tribe that fits you.

Take one step at a time. Sometimes those steps are very small…inch-like. I think of snails when I think of inching along. Snails have one foot to move from place to place. The foot pulls and pushes along to reach the next place. When we are grieving, it is hard for us to balance our emotions and it feels like we are standing or inching along on one foot. Snails also have their shells to retreat. We also need to retreat at times to find solace. When retreating, we also have to come out of our shells as we inch along on our journey. Our grief journey moves slowly forward inch by inch, while carrying our shell (memories, dreams, wishes) along.

As a bereaved parent, I inch more so at certain times of the year. The would-be birthdays, the milestones missed, the what could have been. Inching along with the support of others, and finding some joy (however small) enables us to journey on this winding path of grief. Wishing you a steady pace, sunshine moments, and a tribe of support that will help you inch along.

About Robyn Busekrus

Robyn Busekrus is a mom, wife, educator, and writer who makes her home in Washington, MO.  Losing her third son Hope in the second trimester of pregnancy, was an unexpected part of her life’s journey. Robyn’s blog chronicles the journey of loss and hope. Appreciating the little things in life, while holding onto faith each day is the message she wants to share with others.  Her interests include reading, home decorating, vintage markets, and community service.

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