By: Sabrina Ivy
Dear Grieving Mother,
First, let me tell you I am so sorry you carry this weight of baby loss. With Mother’s Day just around the corner I understand some of the thoughts that are taunting you. I have them, too. This day looks nothing like it should for us.
Whether you held your baby in your arms or in your womb for a time, you are still a mother.
You are still YOUR BABY’S mother always and forever. From the moment the two pink lines appeared, your heart filled with love and dreams of the future with your baby.
Then suddenly your baby was gone. The future, the dreams, the memories you should be making…everything was gone in an instant. Your heart is now wrecked with an indescribable sadness only those who have gone through this can truly understand. You create countless scenarios of what you could have done differently because you feel that somehow you have failed.
You need to know that you didn’t fail. Not even a little bit.
Mother’s Day can be a tough one. It tends to be a day I dwell on the fact that my arms will always bear this pain of emptiness where my babies should be, and my heart will always bear the weight of loss. My womb has birthed life twice…and it has also birthed death twice. Half of my children live in Heaven.
Mother’s Day is a balancing act between joy and pain when you have living children.
We are thankful and know we are blessed with our children. However, having living children doesn’t ease the pain of losing a child, like people often think. This day is a stark reminder of all that is missing.
I hope you do whatever you want on Mother’s Day, although I realize what you really want is your child and to feel normal again. If you want to stay in bed all day, stay in bed. Jammies and ice cream? Have at it. Movies and manicures? Do it. Do what will soothe your heart today. Despite what you will feel, you really deserve it. If you want to hide away and ignore the day… that is more than ok.
If you find yourself overwhelmed in sadness, your grief is not a burden, especially not on Mother’s Day.
Please remember this: you are not alone today or any other day. We are in this together. You, me and countless other mothers are in this together.
Missing our babies,
Another Grieving Mother
Sabrina has been married to her wonderful husband, Chris, for 13 years. She is a mommy to four beautiful children; two that walk with them and two that live in Heaven. They are a homeschooling families and have found great comfort in being able to mourn and grieve in their own ways together. The Ivy’s daughter was stillborn at almost 37 weeks on March 22, 2014. This has been a journey of faith, grief and hope for their family.