Dear Grieving Mother,

By: Sabrina Ivy

Dear Grieving Mother,

First, let me tell you I am so sorry you carry this weight of baby loss. With Mother’s Day just around the corner I understand some of the thoughts that are taunting you. I have them, too. This day looks nothing like it should for us.

Whether you held your baby in your arms or in your womb for a time, you are still a mother.

You are still YOUR BABY’S mother always and forever. From the moment the two pink lines appeared, your heart filled with love and dreams of the future with your baby.

Then suddenly your baby was gone. The future, the dreams, the memories you should be making…everything was gone in an instant.  Your heart is now wrecked with an indescribable sadness only those who have gone through this can truly understand. You create countless scenarios of what you could have done differently because you feel that somehow you have failed.

You need to know that you didn’t fail. Not even a little bit.

Mother’s Day can be a tough one. It tends to be a day I dwell on the fact that my arms will always bear this pain of emptiness where my babies should be, and my heart will always bear the weight of loss. My womb has birthed life twice…and it has also birthed death twice. Half of my children live in Heaven.

Mother’s Day is a balancing act between joy and pain when you have living children.

We are thankful and know we are blessed with our children. However, having living children doesn’t ease the pain of losing a child, like people often think. This day is a stark reminder of all that is missing.

I hope you do whatever you want on Mother’s Day, although I realize what you really want is your child and to feel normal again. If you want to stay in bed all day, stay in bed. Jammies and ice cream? Have at it. Movies and manicures? Do it. Do what will soothe your heart today. Despite what you will feel, you really deserve it. If you want to hide away and ignore the day… that is more than ok.

If you find yourself overwhelmed in sadness, your grief is not a burden, especially not on Mother’s Day.

Please remember this: you are not alone today or any other day. We are in this together. You, me and countless other mothers are in this together.

Missing our babies,

Another Grieving Mother

alivia's storyAbout Sabrina Ivy

Sabrina has been married to her wonderful husband, Chris, for 13 years. She is a mommy to four beautiful children; two that walk with them and two that live in Heaven. They are a homeschooling families and have found great comfort in being able to mourn and grieve in their own ways together. The Ivy’s daughter was stillborn at almost 37 weeks on March 22, 2014. This has been a journey of faith, grief and hope for their family.


  1. Susan on May 5, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    Thank you. It has been decades, but still troubles me. Somehow I hoped I would have healed by now.

  2. Elizabeth Hamilton on May 9, 2019 at 5:23 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. It’s been 6 years for myself and I’m trying to learn new ways to cope with this sadness I carry with me.

  3. Kim on May 10, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    Thank you for this letter of encouragement that, although put me in tears, has also given me comfort. Thank you for reminding me that with 3 baby boys in heaven and none on earth (yet), I’m still a mom! Condolences for your daughter. I lost my boys in 2016 (6 weeks), 2017 (6 weeks), and 2018 (8 weeks).

  4. Monica on June 23, 2019 at 8:01 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I am a parent to one baby boy who passed September 2018 when he was born at only 22 weeks. He died the same day. When people ask me if I have children, I say no. I feel guilty later thinking that I do have a child but cant bear the pain if explaining I have a son who passed. I’m hoping to find comfort in this group as others dont really understand what I am feeling.

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