Honoring My Past in My Present
By: Amy Lied
It can be easy for others to see us grieving openly and think that we are stuck in the past.
They see me taking family pictures while holding a photo of my deceased son in my arms.
They see me attending memorial events that honor my firstborn child.
They see me openly speaking about my child like every other parent does, except mine is dead.
They see me giving my daughters weighted bears that are the same weight as their older brother at birth.
“It’s been 4.5 years. Time to move on.”
“She is focusing on the past and not grateful for the children she has.”
I’m not stuck in the past.
I am honoring my past in my present.
I’m acknowledging my firstborn child, the child that came before I was graced with two living daughters.
I’m honoring his rightful place in our family.
I am preventing the “mom guilt” I feel when I don’t acknowledge my first child.
I am keeping my son’s memory alive.
My son, physically, only existed in the past.
I know that.
I’m aware my son is no longer alive.
I’ve accepted that fact.
However, Asher is still very much present.
He is the reason I cherish every single moment with his little sisters, even the difficult ones.
He is the reason I am a more empathetic person.
He is the reason I am better able to advocate for myself.
He is the reason so many loss parents leave the hospital with a weighted teddy bear.
Asher’s name, his brief life, is doing so much good in this world.
He doesn’t simply exist in the past.
He exists in our present and our future.
Always.
About Amy Lied
Amy Lied is a wife and a mother. Her son, Asher, was inexplicably born still on February 19th, 2017. Before losing Asher, she suffered a miscarriage and struggled with unexplained infertility. After losing Asher and struggling to conceive again, she went back to treatment where she became pregnant with her twin daughters; Harper and Scarlett.
She has documented her journey from the beginning of her infertility struggles on her blog, Doggie Bags Not Diaper Bags. She is also a co-founder of The Lucky Anchor Project, an online resource for loss families that houses an Etsy store whose profits are donated to loss family non-profit organizations. Sharing her journey has helped her cope and she hopes it also helps others who are walking on this road of life after loss.