How Come It Feels So Tough To Ask For What We Need?

By: Justine Froelker

How come it feels so tough to ask for what we want and need or to say what we need to say?

Is it really as tough as we tell ourselves?
What holds us back?

The discomfort?
We don’t want to be a burden?
We think and insist on doing everything ourselves?
What happens if we ask and we don’t get it? Doesn’t that suck more?

The unspoken is never benign.

Everything you don’t say…
Every tough conversation you put off and avoid…

Is never ever ever benign.

Leaving it inside slowly kills us.
Which means it slowly kills our connection with the person and therefore our relationship and then our family or culture.

How many unspokens are really death by a thousand tiny paper cuts?

Learn how to befriend your emotions.
Learn to sit with discomfort.
Name the awkward.
Choose curious language and empathy.
Ask for what you want and need.
Speak it.
Hold people accountable.
Go find it somewhere else if they can’t, won’t, or aren’t capable.
Turn toward another.

Let people love you.
And just say what needs to be said in a clear and kind way.


About Justine Froelker

Justine is a Licensed Professional Counselor with more than 25 years of experience in traditional mental health and personal and professional development. Justine has been certified in the work of Dr. Brené Brown for ten years. Justine is the author of eleven books, including five Amazon bestsellers. She has written children’s books in addition to her books covering subjects such as infertility, faith, and grief. She has been honored to do two TEDx Talks, The Permission of the And and The Donut Effect. She travels nationally and presents virtually to global audiences delivering keynotes, workshops, retreats, and trainings on topics such as leadership, courage, resilience, mental health, preventing and coping with burnout, and courageous and curious conversation, especially in creating cultures of belonging and diversity, equity, and inclusion. Justine lives in St. Louis with her husband Chad, their three dogs, and for four months of the year hundreds of monarch and swallowtail butterflies.

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