By: Marie Kriedman
When I experienced a miscarriage, moving forward was the last thing on my mind. I was so enmeshed in my grief that I wasn’t sure how to get through one single day. My focus was my family and how we were going to survive this crushing new reality. We had already opened our hearts and loved the baby that we would not be able to keep.
Time passed, and the sun rose each morning, whether or not I thought I could face the day. Treasured keepsakes are an important reminder that my daughter is still a valued member of our family.
Every morning, I wake up and see an adorable gray baby elephant with pink wings, engraved with her name. This sweet gift sits on a bookshelf in my bedroom and was given to us by a dear friend to celebrate what would have been Olivia’s first birthday. It sits next to her urn, a small and delicate pink, bronze box.
The keepsakes remind me that I have work to do, to honor my baby girl. I write because it is my outlet and a way to process my grief. I write to honor my daughter. I am currently working with a publisher to complete a sequel to my first book, Saying Goodbye to Olivia. I love holding “her” book in my hands and I hope it may help other families explain a miscarriage to young children.
Moving forward wasn’t a conscious choice. It happened naturally, even though it required a great effort. Focusing on my book gave me a concrete outlet that I desperately needed. There are days where I have to remind myself to be engaged, so I can live rather than exist. Other days, laughs and happiness come more naturally and without the pangs of sorrow. The tears have slowed down, but I’m not sure they will ever stop.
I miss my daughter every day. For now, I take each day as it comes, some with tears and others with a smile. I take solace in my children’s silliness and joy, my husband’s embrace, and knowing we are all together for every step forward or backward.
About Marie Kriedman
Marie started her journalism career as a copy editor and paginator for a newspaper. She eventually left the newspaper business and has continued as a freelance writer for more than 20 years. She founded Write Away K and is a children’s book author. Marie and her husband are graciously permitted to live in a house with their cats. They are also parents to two children and one angel baby. Please visit BooksbyMarie.com to learn more.